What a shock THAT was at the Starbucks this morning! Well, it turns out someone was having a ball at Walmart and Food Lion somewhere in South Carolina with my card. Sheesh! Good thing the folks at Chase caught that early and are taking care of the fraudulent charges.
It’s just annoying at this point. Cute Man (an authorized user) and I will have to wait until they send us a new cards in order to use them again. It’s just a minor crimp in my strategy of using the card for all purchases, building up reward points, and paying the balance each month. Then there are all the automatic withdrawals linked to that card that I’ll need to update when I get a new card number. Oh, well. A few minutes of my time to make those changes isn’t exactly a big deal.
But how did they get my card? Neither of our physical credit cards is missing so I’m thinking that the number was somehow hijacked and then a fake card was made. I mean, they used it at Walmart, so they probably needed an actual card, right? In any case, I’m hoping this is the end of it. We’ll get new cards next week, I’ll fill out the fraud paperwork, and that will be it (cross your fingers!)
In other news, I finally dealt with the mistake on one of my credit reports. One of my old credit cards was listing me as “deceased”. Yep, as in no longer among the living. I put in my request for an “investigation” which I find kind of funny in this case – how much investigating is necessary to prove I’m still breathing… I mean, I could be a pretty good eye-witness…
So I’m in pretty much in a “deal with stuff” kind of mood, which is actually quite contrary to my normal state. It’s crazy to see how dealing with this stuff really isn’t all that bad once I just go ahead and just do it already. It’s the dread that keeps me from dealing… This is of course all in the quest towards home ownership. Hopefully, with this credit snafu cleared up, we’ll be able to move forward with the home-buying process with NACA in January!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
16 Reasons NOT to Diet
Check out this list of 16 Reasons NOT to Diet. I’m reposting the whole list here because it’s THAT good. I came across it on the awesome Through Thick and Thin Forum and it really resonated. The original author of the list, Golda from Body Love Wellness, has a great reason for picking 16 reasons:
And here's the list!
Big thanks to Gina at Through Thick and Thin for posting this there. This list really gets at the heart of the futility of dieting and the body hatred it inspired in me. Fighting that uphill dieting battle was causing me nothing but pain. Learning to accept myself as I am is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to do, even harder than the dieting, I think. But the reward is so much greater. It takes a lot to completely turn my worldview upside down and to start swimming in the other direction. It feels strange and sometimes lonely. But I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing for me. For all the effort I put into dieting, what did I get? A lot of feelings of failure and the opposite of what I thought I wanted (I became bigger in the long run, instead of smaller).
Though painful at first, letting go of the goal of weight loss is freeing me up to engage with myself and others in ways I haven’t before. Instead of joining in to body-shaming conversations, I try to be the voice of reason and love. The world is a hard enough place sometimes, without piling on abuse our very selves. I loved the End Fat Talk movement from last month – it was a great way to get this discussion going and to bring awareness to this problem. Now, we have to take it one step further and bravely step away from the scales that arbitrarily determine our moods and often, even our self worth. It’s time to ditch the outside voice of some random authority that makes money on perpetuating our struggle. Who gave them the right to decide what we need to eat? Are we that out of touch with ourselves that we don’t even get to decide that? I think we can do better for ourselves and I will start by reminding myself of the truth contained in this list everyday.
I know there will be some differing opinions out there – please share your perspective below. Do you think that diets work? When they don’t, do you assume it’s all your fault and that you messed up? Do you think the diet industry truly wants you to find lasting success (and quit getting your cash)? Are you willing to devote yourself to food restriction for the rest of your life? Is that really a reasonable expectation? And if not, what’s the alternative? How can we all lead happy and content lives at home in our skin without becoming obsessive? Please share your experience and any insights you’ve found that help ease the body shaming that is so rampant and excepted in society.
To support you in this journey, I am reprinting my 16 Reasons Not To Diet. Why 16? Because that’s the average dress size of American women!
And here's the list!
1) Many diets support the use of non-nutritional, highly chemicalized foods like fake fats and fake sugars. These chemicalized foods negatively affect body chemistry, cause low-level undernourishment, and often encourage overeating when the dieter gets the signal that s/he is not getting nourishment.
2) Diets have such a high failure rate that they are really a gamble with a low chance of success. If you look at the fine print of most studies on diets, they will tell you that diets have a 90-99% long-term failure rate. People lose some weight, only to find it creep back up, often surpassing their initial, pre-diet weight. Even the “successful” dieters often don’t keep all of their weight off.
3) Dieting gives dieters the message that they cannot trust their internal sense of what nourishes them. This distrust of internal signals affects other aspects of a dieter’s life, where they seek external approval and control of their non-food
related actions.
4) The diet industry has a deep interest in the failure of dieters—if everyone got skinny, they’d go out of business.
5) Dieters’ self esteem is often tied to their weight—they feel good about themselves when they’re losing weight and bad about themselves when they’re gaining weight.
6) The diet system reinforces low self esteem in dieters by making them feel like they have no “willpower” when they have diet lapses. In actuality, diets encourage people to ignore their internal will in exchange for the perceived will of the diet industry.
7) Rather than being about nourishment, food often becomes about reward and punishment for dieters.
8) Diets cause dieters (who are often women) to revolve their lives around food
rather than other things that may really matter to them (relationships, careers,
social issues).
9) Diets cause a lot of body hatred, particularly when the dieter isn’t losing weight. Dieters tend to see their bodies as wrong and problematic when they’re not seeing the “results” they want.
10) Diets often categorize foods as good/okay vs. bad/forbidden. Just like our culture’s genesis story revolves around a woman eating a forbidden food (the apple), it’s human nature to want what’s forbidden. Thus, it’s no wonder that dieters often crave forbidden foods even more once they are forbidden, and then hate themselves for eating those foods (maybe because they’re made to feel as though they’ve caused all of humanity to become sinners).
11) Diets encourage what I like to call “lottery thinking”—most dieters know that diets haven’t really worked for them nor most of the people they know, yet they think that this new diet is going to make them thin, and they’ll finally be in that tiny successful group.
12) Most diet programs are expensive. I cringe when I think about the money that I and my friends and family have spent over the years on Weight Watchers, special
shakes and diet pills!
13) For some people, diets are like Band-aids on deep scars. For people who really overeat and eat unconsciously, they often eat to numb their feelings and consciousness. Their issue is not really “portion control.” In fact, they often are too controlling of themselves and their emotions.
14) Diets assume that all fat people eat too much. They don’t account for the fact that people come in all shapes and sizes, and that a person’s weight is not an indicator of overall health.
15) The weight loss/gain cycle created by dieting is more stressful on the body than just being plain, old fat.
16) Diets work on a scarcity principle. Diets make dieters focus on lack, tell them they can only have “this much and no more” and that to want more is a bad thing. Because dieting is so all-encompassing, this scarcity principle often filters into other aspects of dieters’ lives. They begin to see lack and scarcity in their relationships, in their jobs, in the world.
Big thanks to Gina at Through Thick and Thin for posting this there. This list really gets at the heart of the futility of dieting and the body hatred it inspired in me. Fighting that uphill dieting battle was causing me nothing but pain. Learning to accept myself as I am is one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to do, even harder than the dieting, I think. But the reward is so much greater. It takes a lot to completely turn my worldview upside down and to start swimming in the other direction. It feels strange and sometimes lonely. But I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing for me. For all the effort I put into dieting, what did I get? A lot of feelings of failure and the opposite of what I thought I wanted (I became bigger in the long run, instead of smaller).
Though painful at first, letting go of the goal of weight loss is freeing me up to engage with myself and others in ways I haven’t before. Instead of joining in to body-shaming conversations, I try to be the voice of reason and love. The world is a hard enough place sometimes, without piling on abuse our very selves. I loved the End Fat Talk movement from last month – it was a great way to get this discussion going and to bring awareness to this problem. Now, we have to take it one step further and bravely step away from the scales that arbitrarily determine our moods and often, even our self worth. It’s time to ditch the outside voice of some random authority that makes money on perpetuating our struggle. Who gave them the right to decide what we need to eat? Are we that out of touch with ourselves that we don’t even get to decide that? I think we can do better for ourselves and I will start by reminding myself of the truth contained in this list everyday.
I know there will be some differing opinions out there – please share your perspective below. Do you think that diets work? When they don’t, do you assume it’s all your fault and that you messed up? Do you think the diet industry truly wants you to find lasting success (and quit getting your cash)? Are you willing to devote yourself to food restriction for the rest of your life? Is that really a reasonable expectation? And if not, what’s the alternative? How can we all lead happy and content lives at home in our skin without becoming obsessive? Please share your experience and any insights you’ve found that help ease the body shaming that is so rampant and excepted in society.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Do You “Struggle with Your Weight”?
It’s a common phrase – one I’ve used myself many a time. I used it as a way to express that I was somehow a work-in-progress, that I knew and understood that I was flawed and that I was expending effort to fix the problem. It was a badge to hold up and say, “See, at least I know there’s a problem!” I could participate in the larger culture with my fat-exemption card. I have to admit that it was a big part of my identity, to the point where I created a whole social life around myself built on the very premise. Struggling together was easier than struggling alone because we all know, struggling sucks. It’s hard. It’s energy draining. It took over my life. I decided to revisit this idea after reading this post over at Living 400 lbs.
Now, I’d like to say that the struggle is over – that I’ve learned my lesson and all is healed. If it were only that easy. Life is never black and white and I am swimming my way through the gray. Some days I fully embody Margaret Cho’s Fuck it Diet, and feel really great, really in tune with what my body needs to function well and wants just for the joy of it. Other days, the anxiety creeps in and the struggle resurfaces as an effort to silence the food police in my head and the nasty thoughts about my current (and frightening-to-think-about future weight).
The one real tool I have to combat these negative feelings is exercise. The thing I sometimes forgot about when “working out” to try to lose weight, is that moving my body feels fantastic. Getting going is the hard part but usually I feel good while doing it and really good afterwards. It’s hard to feel bad about myself when I’ve just done an hour plus of walking, yoga, pilates, or other strength training. It just doesn’t compute. What I try to avoid, however, are the thoughts about how doing these things will somehow prevent the apocalypse of The Ever-Expanding-Amelia outcome that I so fear. I cannot claim to have overcome that one yet, but practice makes perfect. I try to reframe my desires for movement as something that is showing myself care, that I’m doing it to feel better in my own skin. The goal cannot be weight loss. It just doesn’t work for me. It makes the whole thing into a chore, something that must be checked off the good-fatty checklist. There is no faster way to churn up Please-Just-Let-Me-Sit-On-The-Couch thoughts than that.
I’ve started to notice that the more I talk to myself in this way, the closer I come to believing it. It’s the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it strategy in action. So, I’m calling it – I’m done with the “struggling” metaphor. My body and I are on the same team. Even when my brain sometimes rebels and I have to talk her down, we’re still on the same side. It’s all me and it’s all good. I’m all good. I don’t need or want fixing. I can take excellent care of myself with wholesome, yummy food and fun, joyful activity. I can do all that without the goal of changing my body or losing weight. I can be healthy and not at war with my body. I’m calling a permanent cease fire.
Does anyone else use this metaphor? Do you think it's helping or hurting your efforts to be happy and healthy?
Now, I’d like to say that the struggle is over – that I’ve learned my lesson and all is healed. If it were only that easy. Life is never black and white and I am swimming my way through the gray. Some days I fully embody Margaret Cho’s Fuck it Diet, and feel really great, really in tune with what my body needs to function well and wants just for the joy of it. Other days, the anxiety creeps in and the struggle resurfaces as an effort to silence the food police in my head and the nasty thoughts about my current (and frightening-to-think-about future weight).
The one real tool I have to combat these negative feelings is exercise. The thing I sometimes forgot about when “working out” to try to lose weight, is that moving my body feels fantastic. Getting going is the hard part but usually I feel good while doing it and really good afterwards. It’s hard to feel bad about myself when I’ve just done an hour plus of walking, yoga, pilates, or other strength training. It just doesn’t compute. What I try to avoid, however, are the thoughts about how doing these things will somehow prevent the apocalypse of The Ever-Expanding-Amelia outcome that I so fear. I cannot claim to have overcome that one yet, but practice makes perfect. I try to reframe my desires for movement as something that is showing myself care, that I’m doing it to feel better in my own skin. The goal cannot be weight loss. It just doesn’t work for me. It makes the whole thing into a chore, something that must be checked off the good-fatty checklist. There is no faster way to churn up Please-Just-Let-Me-Sit-On-The-Couch thoughts than that.
I’ve started to notice that the more I talk to myself in this way, the closer I come to believing it. It’s the whole fake-it-till-you-make-it strategy in action. So, I’m calling it – I’m done with the “struggling” metaphor. My body and I are on the same team. Even when my brain sometimes rebels and I have to talk her down, we’re still on the same side. It’s all me and it’s all good. I’m all good. I don’t need or want fixing. I can take excellent care of myself with wholesome, yummy food and fun, joyful activity. I can do all that without the goal of changing my body or losing weight. I can be healthy and not at war with my body. I’m calling a permanent cease fire.
Does anyone else use this metaphor? Do you think it's helping or hurting your efforts to be happy and healthy?
Friday, October 9, 2009
Oh, to be a Red Shoe Blogger
I love my little piece of the internet – it’s right here and it’s all mine. AND, I love The Wizard of Oz – so much so that I went to see it in the theater for its 70th anniversary a couple weeks ago. What do these two things have in common? Blogging is like The Wizard of Oz and there’s no place like home.
This has to be my #1 favorite blog post, like EVER. And it has nothing to do with health or finances (well, a bit, actually…) It boils down to talking about what really makes a blog successful. You see, many people have gotten into the biz of blogging to *gasp* try to make money. They learn and employ all the tricks to drive traffic and boost revenue. But if the content isn’t there, if there’s nothing behind all the bells and whistles, you’re left holding a bag of useless trinkets. Eventually, the whole thing will pop like an overinflated hot air balloon.
Well, no one could accuse me of THAT. I write what I want when I darn well feel like it. I must confess that it tickles me to know that you all (both of you!) are reading, but I don’t do anything specific to try to get more eyeballs. I don’t go around commenting on other blogs just to get people to track back to me. If I’m moved to share my thoughts, I do, if not, I cruise on by… I’ve also abandoned all hope or effort to make any money at this. I used to have some ads but they were awful weightloss or payday loans, most of the time. And who has the time or energy to police that stuff? All for a few pennies (and by this, I mean that literally). So, the ads went by-by and I like how uncluttered this space is. As I said, it’s mine and I love it.
So I’ll keep doing my thing, sporting my Beautifeel Size 9-wide sensible red heels (they may not be sparkly, but they FIT), strutting in and out as I please, talking about what’s important to me, on my schedule. Thanks for coming along for the ride!
This has to be my #1 favorite blog post, like EVER. And it has nothing to do with health or finances (well, a bit, actually…) It boils down to talking about what really makes a blog successful. You see, many people have gotten into the biz of blogging to *gasp* try to make money. They learn and employ all the tricks to drive traffic and boost revenue. But if the content isn’t there, if there’s nothing behind all the bells and whistles, you’re left holding a bag of useless trinkets. Eventually, the whole thing will pop like an overinflated hot air balloon.
Well, no one could accuse me of THAT. I write what I want when I darn well feel like it. I must confess that it tickles me to know that you all (both of you!) are reading, but I don’t do anything specific to try to get more eyeballs. I don’t go around commenting on other blogs just to get people to track back to me. If I’m moved to share my thoughts, I do, if not, I cruise on by… I’ve also abandoned all hope or effort to make any money at this. I used to have some ads but they were awful weightloss or payday loans, most of the time. And who has the time or energy to police that stuff? All for a few pennies (and by this, I mean that literally). So, the ads went by-by and I like how uncluttered this space is. As I said, it’s mine and I love it.
So I’ll keep doing my thing, sporting my Beautifeel Size 9-wide sensible red heels (they may not be sparkly, but they FIT), strutting in and out as I please, talking about what’s important to me, on my schedule. Thanks for coming along for the ride!
Thursday, October 8, 2009
The iPhone and My Healthy Life
It’s been a week since the Cute Man and I gleefully made our way to the Apple Store and bought our iPhones. I must say that it has more than compensated for the sadness of having to give back the Mini (HP Netbook). It really is everything I thought it would be and I have absolutely no regrets about the purchase (financial or otherwise). Good financial management is about making choices based on what’s important to you. And after 2 years of waiting for our contract to be up (we regretted not doing this almost right away when we chose Verizon over going with AT&T and the iPhone), we wanted these puppies and we wanted them something fierce. So, we planned for this expense and are thrilled with the result. It doesn’t even look like we’ll be paying THAT much more, especially considering how much more we’re getting for the money.
It’s a whole new world, especially for me. CM had his iPod Touch so it was basically just an upgrade/consolidation thing for him. But for me, the “just give me the free phone” girl, it was a revelation. It is the most fantastic thing I’ve ever owned. I’ve downloaded applications for everything from free music to stream based on my preferences (Pandora), to ones that help me practice my German with fun little games, to full-on yoga classes. It’s incredible. Not to mention the old standbys of weather, online banking, and maps. And I can read my Kindle books on it! I even downloaded the entire Firefly television season (plus the movie Serenity among others), which I have been watching every free moment.
To complement my new toy, I’ve gotten some accessories as well: a Sony iPhone alarm clock with great sound from the speakers, a charger for my car, and my new favorite FREE DIY iPhone stand that I made out of an old card.
At this point, it’s time to put on the breaks and just enjoy what I’ve got. There are so many free things to do/get with it (podcasts, free apps, Pandora and music I already have, Kindle books I already have, and free audio books that I found in an app) that I can stop the bleeding (spending) now and be quite content for some time.
I also plan to save some cash by using the low cost strength training and yoga apps that I downloaded. I will keep up with my paid yoga classes (2 times per week), but I’m going to forgo at least one of the two weekly paid Pilates classes and work out with my apps in the free work gym instead. We’ll see how that goes. I like the classes because they are an appointment to keep so it lends some structure. However, I think I can capitalize on my love-affair with my new gadget to lend some added motivation to hit the gym on my own.
After only one week, I know I’ve just scratched the surface of what my iPhone is capable of but I’m thrilled with what I’ve discovered so far. Going forward, I will have to be mindful to take the most advantage of the capabilities without frivolously buying things with little thought (which is EASY to do, I know). But all in all, I couldn’t be happier!
It’s a whole new world, especially for me. CM had his iPod Touch so it was basically just an upgrade/consolidation thing for him. But for me, the “just give me the free phone” girl, it was a revelation. It is the most fantastic thing I’ve ever owned. I’ve downloaded applications for everything from free music to stream based on my preferences (Pandora), to ones that help me practice my German with fun little games, to full-on yoga classes. It’s incredible. Not to mention the old standbys of weather, online banking, and maps. And I can read my Kindle books on it! I even downloaded the entire Firefly television season (plus the movie Serenity among others), which I have been watching every free moment.
To complement my new toy, I’ve gotten some accessories as well: a Sony iPhone alarm clock with great sound from the speakers, a charger for my car, and my new favorite FREE DIY iPhone stand that I made out of an old card.
At this point, it’s time to put on the breaks and just enjoy what I’ve got. There are so many free things to do/get with it (podcasts, free apps, Pandora and music I already have, Kindle books I already have, and free audio books that I found in an app) that I can stop the bleeding (spending) now and be quite content for some time.
I also plan to save some cash by using the low cost strength training and yoga apps that I downloaded. I will keep up with my paid yoga classes (2 times per week), but I’m going to forgo at least one of the two weekly paid Pilates classes and work out with my apps in the free work gym instead. We’ll see how that goes. I like the classes because they are an appointment to keep so it lends some structure. However, I think I can capitalize on my love-affair with my new gadget to lend some added motivation to hit the gym on my own.
After only one week, I know I’ve just scratched the surface of what my iPhone is capable of but I’m thrilled with what I’ve discovered so far. Going forward, I will have to be mindful to take the most advantage of the capabilities without frivolously buying things with little thought (which is EASY to do, I know). But all in all, I couldn’t be happier!
Monday, September 28, 2009
The Mini is No More: A Lesson in Impulse Purchasing
Last week I had a minor break with reality and decided to buy an HP netbook (aka The Mini) on a whim. Nevermind that I am planning to buy an iPhone a couple weeks later. It was cute as a button and I just HAD to have it. It was shades of immediate gratification past and I just went for it. As the Cute Man pointed out, it’s not like I haven’t been talking about getting a laptop for awhile now. So why not? The CM certainly meant well and he was right in theory. However, the devil’s in the details. I don’t do so well when I don’t carefully research large purchases. Buyer’s remorse is a bitch.
I got that cutie home and fired it up. I even did some organizing/cleaning to make room for it on the bookshelf that serves as my catch-all space in the living room. The CM helped me connect it to our wireless network and my anticipation was building. And then…. nothing. The darned thing wouldn’t load a page! It would do so when connected with a hardline, albeit at an agonizingly slow pace, but it’s a freaking netbook, it needs to work wirelessly. Poor CM in his infinite patience trouble-shooted his little heart out, all to no avail.
Enter, heart-wrenching buyer’s remorse. I was glad to see that I could return it when I checked the receipt. I’d likely have to pay a 15% “restocking fee”, but it’s better than keeping a useless item, right? All the same, I hemmed and hawed, hating to lose what would amount to $50.00 in an idiot tax. But knowing I’d have my beloved iPhone next week helped me make the decision. And what would you know… the thing was actually truly defective. They couldn’t get it to connect to the internet in the store, either! So, no restocking fee. It’s like it never happened! Except that I learned another lesson in what not to do.
Sure, I’d like to have a small laptop to use here and there. It would be good for doing work if ever I need to do so away from the office (not a regular thing in my life so really not a good enough reason), but for 9/10 things I’d use it for, the iPhone will more than compensate. And that’s not even taking into account that the iPhone will be another major purchase, the planning for which should have stopped me from dropping that unexpected cash. But that’s all water under bridge and I will return to my gun-shy frugal ways, having paid my penance in some serious angst (but not in cash, thank goodness).
I got that cutie home and fired it up. I even did some organizing/cleaning to make room for it on the bookshelf that serves as my catch-all space in the living room. The CM helped me connect it to our wireless network and my anticipation was building. And then…. nothing. The darned thing wouldn’t load a page! It would do so when connected with a hardline, albeit at an agonizingly slow pace, but it’s a freaking netbook, it needs to work wirelessly. Poor CM in his infinite patience trouble-shooted his little heart out, all to no avail.
Enter, heart-wrenching buyer’s remorse. I was glad to see that I could return it when I checked the receipt. I’d likely have to pay a 15% “restocking fee”, but it’s better than keeping a useless item, right? All the same, I hemmed and hawed, hating to lose what would amount to $50.00 in an idiot tax. But knowing I’d have my beloved iPhone next week helped me make the decision. And what would you know… the thing was actually truly defective. They couldn’t get it to connect to the internet in the store, either! So, no restocking fee. It’s like it never happened! Except that I learned another lesson in what not to do.
Sure, I’d like to have a small laptop to use here and there. It would be good for doing work if ever I need to do so away from the office (not a regular thing in my life so really not a good enough reason), but for 9/10 things I’d use it for, the iPhone will more than compensate. And that’s not even taking into account that the iPhone will be another major purchase, the planning for which should have stopped me from dropping that unexpected cash. But that’s all water under bridge and I will return to my gun-shy frugal ways, having paid my penance in some serious angst (but not in cash, thank goodness).
Friday, September 25, 2009
Ready to Take a Stand
I think I just became radicalized. Have you ever read something that makes such an impression that you *finally* feel the need to get personally involved? Reading this is my moment:
No kidding.
I’ve never been much of a political person. I’m pretty self-centered, generally. It’s usually enough for me to concentrate on my own life and making the most of it. And I don’t feel particularly oppressed by fat hatred on a daily basis. I have operated from a perspective of complicity for so long (I was an avid self-flagellating dieter for years and years, after all) that it’s hard to switch the script sometimes.
But you know what, it’s not OK . It’s not OK that every other news snippet is about the latest “new” weight loss technique, spouting all types of short term benefits without any disclaimer about the long term physical and emotional damage these diets – I mean “lifestyle changes” – leave in their wake. It’s not OK that my doctor automatically assumes I’m unhealthy because of my BMI and makes every visit about that, as opposed to things that can actually be diagnosed and dealt with. It’s not OK that I’m more familiar with actual clinical studies, most of which show no link between obesity and shorter life span, than the medical experts I interact with. In fact, these studies point to the aptly named Obesity Paradox). It’s a “paradox” because studies continually show that overweight and obese people live longer on average but people continue to cling to the “common knowledge” that obesity kills. How come I know all about this but get blank stares and condescending pats on the shoulder from people who should be in the know?
And it’s just not OK, not anymore. Kids involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program are in need. Those needs are no less for the obese child. It is not OK that they are made to feel diminished in any way whatsoever. The thought that our society is so messed up that a well meaning person would choose to specifically not work with a child because he is obese (or dirty, for that matter – that is ridiculous as well, just not the subject here) is unconscionable . Something has gone awry, folks. Obese people are not broken and in need of fixing. We are not contagious and something to avoid being around. We are not greedy and somehow unworthy of respect. Food and exercise are not a weapons or moral issues in any way nor are our bodies up for public discussion.
I’m hoping that my involvement in the Big Fat Lie Project, will help spread some new “common sense” about weight, health, and how the two are not necessarily conflated. How punishing ourselves through dieting or moving our bodies for the sole purpose of making ourselves somehow less instead of for the sheer JOY of it, is just plain wrong and counterproductive. We do not need to be starved and shamed into conformity and told that it's all for our own good. I hope to be a part of a shift that has to happen in our understanding and treatment of people like me, the obese, who are not headless fat people on the news, but real and complex individuals deserving of love, respect, and human kindness.
And when I recently attended an interview to be a volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, I was asked if I had any objection to mentoring a dirty and/or obese child. The woman asking, with her rushed speech and stiff posture, betrayed that she was uneasy about the question’s existence on the official questionnaire. But it wasn’t her asking the question that made me uneasy. Rather, it was that a lonesome child’s obesity (paired “naturally” with dirtiness) made a difference to enough to compassionate volunteers that it had become necessary to ask.However I feel about We Are the Real Deal in general and MamaV in particular, this guest post has made an impression. The situation described above is wrong on so many levels, I just don’t know where to start. The author of this piece, Kim Brittingham, went on to say:
The swelling trend of fat hatred in the United States makes me profoundly sad.
No kidding.
I’ve never been much of a political person. I’m pretty self-centered, generally. It’s usually enough for me to concentrate on my own life and making the most of it. And I don’t feel particularly oppressed by fat hatred on a daily basis. I have operated from a perspective of complicity for so long (I was an avid self-flagellating dieter for years and years, after all) that it’s hard to switch the script sometimes.
But you know what, it’s not OK . It’s not OK that every other news snippet is about the latest “new” weight loss technique, spouting all types of short term benefits without any disclaimer about the long term physical and emotional damage these diets – I mean “lifestyle changes” – leave in their wake. It’s not OK that my doctor automatically assumes I’m unhealthy because of my BMI and makes every visit about that, as opposed to things that can actually be diagnosed and dealt with. It’s not OK that I’m more familiar with actual clinical studies, most of which show no link between obesity and shorter life span, than the medical experts I interact with. In fact, these studies point to the aptly named Obesity Paradox). It’s a “paradox” because studies continually show that overweight and obese people live longer on average but people continue to cling to the “common knowledge” that obesity kills. How come I know all about this but get blank stares and condescending pats on the shoulder from people who should be in the know?
And it’s just not OK, not anymore. Kids involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program are in need. Those needs are no less for the obese child. It is not OK that they are made to feel diminished in any way whatsoever. The thought that our society is so messed up that a well meaning person would choose to specifically not work with a child because he is obese (or dirty, for that matter – that is ridiculous as well, just not the subject here) is unconscionable . Something has gone awry, folks. Obese people are not broken and in need of fixing. We are not contagious and something to avoid being around. We are not greedy and somehow unworthy of respect. Food and exercise are not a weapons or moral issues in any way nor are our bodies up for public discussion.
I’m hoping that my involvement in the Big Fat Lie Project, will help spread some new “common sense” about weight, health, and how the two are not necessarily conflated. How punishing ourselves through dieting or moving our bodies for the sole purpose of making ourselves somehow less instead of for the sheer JOY of it, is just plain wrong and counterproductive. We do not need to be starved and shamed into conformity and told that it's all for our own good. I hope to be a part of a shift that has to happen in our understanding and treatment of people like me, the obese, who are not headless fat people on the news, but real and complex individuals deserving of love, respect, and human kindness.
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